Do You Hold A Grudge--or Do You Forgive?

When you've just gone through a terrible situation and the pain is fresh, the thought of forgiveness might be the last thing on your mind. But experts overwhelmingly agree that forgiveness can be the key to moving on into a new phase of your life and your shot at a new chance for happiness.

Why You Should Forgive
Holding a grudge creates serious problems for your emotional health. Negative emotions, such as blame or anger, can have a toxic effect on your emotional state. The person you are holding the grudge against isn't the one who suffers. Instead, you are the one on the receiving end, making a bad situation even worse.

The Four Steps to Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process, and it doesn't happen overnight. Most experts agree that there are four phases of forgiveness. Where are you on the list?

• Confront Your Pain. Sometimes it's hard to admit to the pain someone has caused you. It may seem easier to bury the emotion than to open up about how it made you feel. Acknowledging your pain is the first step.
• Make the Decision to Move Forward. Remember that forgiving someone does not mean what they did is okay. It doesn't mean you are absolving them of guilt, nor does it mean you must forget what happened. It simply means you are ready to let go of the incident and move forward into a better life for yourself.
• See Their Side. Consider why this might have happened in the first place. Sometimes there are elements working on someone else's life that can cause them to do things they normally wouldn't do. A deeper understanding of the person who wronged you might help you let go.
• Find the Silver Lining. What did this experience teach you? What good has come from the pain? Finding the silver lining might be difficult at first, but over time you just might come to see the pain as a blessing instead of a curse. Forgiveness can lead you to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Forgiveness is Good for Your Health
Letting go of your anger is good for more than your emotional health. Prolonged anger is linked to cardiovascular disease and high blood pressure. Holding a grudge leads to higher levels of stress, and those higher levels of stress can make you more vulnerable to health problems--including heart attack or stroke.

Protect yourself--and stay happier--by practicing forgiveness on a regular basis. You are the person who benefits most in the long run.