What's Your Intimacy Index?

The search for intimacy is the lonely quest of the human heart. Intimacy is an inborn biological need we first encounter early in life when we are cuddled by our mothers—we never outgrow its powerful lure.

But interpersonal closeness is not as prevalent as you might think. Too often, we learn to adjust to having little meaningful emotional interaction, and it becomes our personalized “love style” to have little or no intimacy at all. This is when the trouble begins.

Studies show that people who are lonely tend to suffer more physical and mental breakdowns than those who are close to someone. Unmarried individuals, compared with those who are married, have higher rates of maladjustment. Children who experience lengthy separations from their parents and family can develop asthma, respiratory disorders, and other diseases, and ill people who fall in love are more likely to recover faster than those who don’t. Some experts go so far as to conclude that an intimate love style is just as crucial to a person’s well-being as food or water.

Sadly, a world that now rewards uniqueness and independence makes it that much harder to achieve closeness. Many of us are socialized to fend off the attempts of others who try to draw close to us. How intimate would you say you are with the closest person in your life? Are your love styles compatible? Do you ever feel that you are missing a sense of closeness or depth of understanding with your partner?

The following quiz will help reveal how socially intimate you are. As you answer the questions below, keep in mind your relationship with someone close to you. Perhaps they should also take the quiz.